Tuesday, March 13, 2012

here goes.

starting a new blog is a little hard. there are so many things going on in life and so many things that God is teaching me that it's hard to write about just one at a time, so I'll get there eventually. But for now, let me update you on life lately.
I'm graduating college in May...and if you've talked to me lately, you know that I am overwhelmed by the world of possibilities that I'm stepping into. There  are so many "good things" that I could do, but I'm having trouble letting the "good things" go and waiting for the "God things". My inability to see what God is doing is partly because he has hidden his plans on purpose, but I also feel that it is partly because i've closed my eyes. You see, the Lord has been calling me to wake up and leave behind a lot of fear. He doesn't want me to worry about money anymore, or my body image, or my job, or my future, or my fears. That has been hard to forget about...because I spend so much time and energy thinking about these things. I have this tendency to think that my worth is based in my size or my job or my cool future traveling plans. I've learned that I can't just STOP by bad habits...its kind of like living under a law. I've seen so many people say "Im going to do better now"
..."ill stop sleeping around"..."ill just stop using drugs and partying all the time"..."ill be nicer to my mom"..."ill work out everyday"...."ill stop worrying that I'll never get married"..."Ill stop talking about her...even though she doesn't deserve my respect"....

THEN we MESS UP. We FAIL to live up to this law we make....and then...well crap...I might as well go back to how it was before...it's just never going to change..

If you've ever been there...your totally not alone. BUT there is HOPE for us

During my freshman year of college I hit this wall for the first time. I wanted to stop gossiping and partying and flirting with boys to feel valuable and blah blah blah....but it wasn't until i realized HOW GOOD GOD IS that anything changed. it wasn't ever really about how good I was. I kind of just had to own up to the idea that I stunk and I NEEDED a SAVIOR. You've probably heard this all before...and I don't want to fill your head with churchy talk, I only want to remind you the GOD has not forgotten you, and he really is bigger than that junk your in. When he turned my eyes to HIS glory and off of MY OWN, everything changed.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  
-Phil 4:8


I have a friend who thinks Paul (who wrote this book) is basically the spawn of Satan...but I'm pretty sure that I like him. a whole bunch. This thing he wrote saved me from my habitual sin time and time again, and it turned me to the only one who could save my soul...and guess what...that's not me.

So I'm waking up from this slumber...and there are a lot of things that changed while I was sleeping that I don't want to face right now. BUT the one thing that never changed was that GOD is still GOD. So I think ill let him take it from here. I've done some dumb stuff...but none of this came as a surprise to God, it was just a surprise to me. His love was always consistent. Learning that you are forgiven is the most beautiful thing.


2 comments:

  1. I am so thankful for a friend like you. You have such a beautiful spirit and inspire me daily. This blog post is exactly what I needed. Out here on the road I'm facing so many demons. I constantly find myself writing in my journal that I want to change this and that in my life, but nothing ever changes because I rely on myself. THIS blog post helped me realize what truly has to be done in order to live a Christ centered life. Thanks, friend. I love you so much.

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  2. :) I love that I just found your new blog. And I love what you've written :) I can't wait for more

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